did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
