Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
