my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
