need another drink. this is the easiest way
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
