I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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