Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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