i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
