Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
