I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
