There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
