I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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