How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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