I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His nipple licking is glorious
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