No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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