Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
