Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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