I showed him my bush... on skype.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
