hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
