that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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