fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The uberlube is also flammable
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
