Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
