Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
