I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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