new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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