Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
