They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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