And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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