Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
