I hate all girls vehemently.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
