This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
