the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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