Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
