I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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