were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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