i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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