I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
