He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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