I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
