around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
