im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
