I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
