Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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