my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
