I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
