i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
