I cut my penus on the lid.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
