Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
