$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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