Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
