is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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