My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
